A couple of years ago the idea of having a professional website was a huge dream that I never expected would come to a reality. A logo, brand name, cute kawaii emoticons was a thrill but actually getting straight to the point of creating content and being consistent was a huge dread. What was a side passion of mine has now become work and a nightmare that I did not want to fore see.
Last April the 16th, I just turned 29 and at the end of my 20’s. The week before I was so sad, either it was from hormones because shark week was looming around the corner, or because I’m no longer feeling forever 21. I feel as if I’m in Limbo, the in between of feeling immature and finally “adulting.” For goodness sakes, I have a Hello Kitty figure in my cubby at work? What does that even mean? What do I mean?
Six years back I pushed myself to think out of the box. A belief that I would live the life I wanted, within my means, and be happy. Even though every now and then I look at my friends’ Facebook feeds and become envious, at times I bring myself back to who I am and what I love and stand for. A reason on why I wanted to publish my blog.
The problem was that creating content became a race on social media, trying to get ahead with followers, asking if I look sexy enough, cool enough, fun enough, do I fit the norm of the platform artists who does funky geometric cuts that no one wears? I became self obsessed with what I thought was “cool,” which was honestly nothing I portrayed.
Deep inside I’m still that immature, anxiety ridden, perverted, goofy, introvert that still cries in the car and screams at the top of her lungs to AFI on the radio, minus the heavy side bangs. When I said forever 21, I meant forever 16, emo black hooded drama theater nerd all day everyday, and at 29 do I want to grow up?
“I meant forever 16, emo black hooded drama theater nerd all day everyday, and at 29 do I want to grow up?”
What does that even mean? Growing up? Does that mean I have to be Suzie Q homemaker, stay at home Mom, waiting on my Husband’s every beck and call? As in, my dreams are kaput and I’m in the chaos of balancing baby throw up and questionable liquid in my hair feeling like my life is over?! Hold up! – Anxiety take over!
“…bring everything all back…”
To bring everything all back this is why I want to relaunch my blog. Forget about the notion of what society wants you to be. God knows I couldn’t hack it as a nurse but as a Hairstylist, it gives me the reason to still wear that hooded black jacket and now with cooler hair with a heavier side swept scene kid bang. Yes, I’m owning that I’m 29 and I love adorable characters of unicorns farting rainbows, but also having OCD complexes of creating lists, making sure goals are made, and yes, adulting.
My goal for this blog will be a diary of my life. Even if this blog doesn’t blow up to be one of the hot articles on Buzzfeed, so what. These blogs will remind me of time stamps of my life especially the last year of my 20s. To document adventures, friends, love, family, food, what have you, would make me feel like I’m not just withering away, but creating the beginning to another great chapter of my life. Delving into who I want to become and where I want to be has always been in the ever evolving checklist of my existence. Follow me or not, here I come, and if I could, riding on a unicorn farting rainbows.
Follow me for more of my shananigans as well as your one stop shop on beauty know how.
